sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
