How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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