But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
