Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
