I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
