glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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