i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
