not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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