I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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