kristin has been a bad kristin
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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