I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
