I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
