so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Is it penis luge time yet?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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