Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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