saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
