He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
how drunk are you?
Several
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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