the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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