I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
3pm strippers are depressing
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize