Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
