This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
