Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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