By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
