Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
