so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
