I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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