so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
