I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
