I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
