beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
