I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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