she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
