I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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