I heard we made out
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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