I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
