maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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