This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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