it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
