My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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