Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
