I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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