I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
