apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
