Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
