The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
