The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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