i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
