I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sext me about skeletons
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
