atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
tell me about the fingering
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
