speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
