I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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