We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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