Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
this just has baby written all over it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
