Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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