You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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