How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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