Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
