no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This baby is an asshole
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
