be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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