Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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