I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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