I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
