It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
im holly from the hills drunk
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize