when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
