Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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