Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
