You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize