is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
