Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
