I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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