also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
