My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
