i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
