Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
