it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
