never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
