It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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