Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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