my phone needs a breathalizer
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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