i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
