I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
