I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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